People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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