its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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