I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
