her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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