my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
as a side note pls kill me
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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