Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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