Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
