i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Is it penis luge time yet?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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