4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
