i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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