I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
