so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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