So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
