We're like a lot better than the average bears
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize