were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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