He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
