imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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