God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
His hands were made for my vagina.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
