thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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