I just threw up on my dentist
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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