I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
