Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My penis needs a shock collar
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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