I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
