he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
