Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
