i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Someone signed my nipple.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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