You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
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