Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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