This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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