How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Can I color on your dick again?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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