Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
