My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
soo... how was my night?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
