Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
