is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
