i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
