I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
