It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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