So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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