Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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