Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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