Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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