good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
