on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
then he tried to convert me to islam
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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