Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
