Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize