dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
