How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
