the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just puked most of my soul out..
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
