i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
