Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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