ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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