you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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