i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
