Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
