i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
How naked do you want me to be?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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