is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
