I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
