my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
