ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
