whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
