it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
