Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
