Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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