So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
