Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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