K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
