In the future we'll all be gay
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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