I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Your cock deserves a montage
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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