When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
