It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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