youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
