no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
im on a boat
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