You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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