I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
