the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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