We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
