Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
